Let’s try this again.

Yesterday, I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. It wasn’t so much that the day was horrid, it just did not meet my expectations at all. I was ready for yesterday to be wonderful. I was ready for sunshine and big smiles and good hair. But no. It was wet and cold and dreary and frizzy. I did not like it. I wanted to feel cheery and be bubbly and look amazing. But that didn’t happen.

I guess the fact that the day was disappointing just led me to realize that I had a lot building up in me. I was weary and I didn’t even know it. I was a little sad so I got on my knees to just sort of pray a little about it… and I started weeping. I thought I just had a case of the bummers, but it turns out that I had been harboring a lot of disappointment because of unmet expectations.

Now, to make a long story short, I got on my knees and talked to Jesus about it. I cried and I prayed and I talked to my mom and now I’m all better. But it got me thinking.

It’s truly amazing that I could have been living my life going about my days not realizing that what I was doing wasn’t cutting it. Sure I had been praying and talking to God and trying my best to do right, but I had been neglecting a very important facet of my spiritual life. I needed to get on my face in front of Almighty God and give him full access to every part of me.

It’s not that I’ve been harboring secret sin or living a lie. I’m not going out at night and beating up cops or selling drugs to second graders. [What a hilarious thing if I did though. I would have you all shocked.] No. I just haven’t been diligent. I have not been daily offering all of myself to His purpose.

I need to stop pretending like everything around me exists solely to affect my mood. I need to remember that God won’t use me if I’m only focused on myself. I need to stop worrying about whether or not the sun is going to shine and make me happy, or if someone gives me a bright smile or if my classes get canceled so I can be with my friends. I need to learn to be content, because God put me where I am.

He knows what He’s doing. He knows why I’m here. He knows why the sun doesn’t shine or why I feel lonely. He has everything under control.

Psalm 46:10 – Be still, and know that I am God.

All of that to say this: I don’t need to be so self-centered. Why would I ever want to focus on myself when I can focus on the perfect one? If all I ever worry about is how I can be putting myself to the best of His use, I will never have another case of the bummers. And I will never have to break down on a rainy day.

Because He is God. Amen.

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