Death Bear will help you put an end to your sorrows.

Breaking up is hard to do. You give someone a part of yourself in relationships, and then all of a sudden, they come to an end. As Socrates said, “the hottest love comes to the coldest end.” It isn’t easy to let go. Often the pain of loss drives us to misery. Until now.

Now there is a hero, a champion of restoration that lives only to serve those mourning the loss of love. His name is Death Bear, and he roams the streets(not really), seeking to provide comfort to the broken hearted. Hopefully you live in New York though. Because that’s the only place you’ll find him.

Here’s how it works: Nate Hill is a performance artist in New York. You call (or text) a number on his website to make an appointment. He then dresses up as death bear and comes over to your apartment and takes all of the things that belonged to or reminded you of your ex. He comes to “absorb the memories of others” in order to help you move on. This is mostly symbolic in nature, but I can imagine that handing over the things that remind you of what once was to an anonymous bear is very cathartic.

It may seem silly, but people say it works. Word is that this Death Bear is very cordial and solemn. I suppose that there is no other way to be when you are being handed someone’s painful memories. Nate says that no one has actually cried but some people choke up.

In other news, that same Nate Hill dresses up as a dolphin and sells fake drugs. It’s candy crack, and people buy it. It’s supposedly like kids who pretend to sell drugs out of their tree house and it helps you remember your childhood.  Maybe this guy is a genius. Or maybe he’s a creep and Death bear is just a crazy way to get free stuff from people.

Either way, people are being helped to overcome emotional burdens. So I guess it’s not all bad. Do your thing, Death Bear.

The end.

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