Keep it classy, y’all.

Should a wedding be tacky? Never. Weddings should be a place in which there could never even be a hint of tackiness. A wedding is a sacred tradition, and it is one time in which people should keep their classlessness a little more of a private issue.

In recent times, weddings are becoming less and less sacred, and more and more an opportunity for  “self-expression”. Well, people I’m about to talk about, keep your expression to yourself. You’re an embarrassment.

There is really a lot of freedom in planning a wedding. For instance, favors, that’s pretty much a non-issue. Probably. But there are a few things that just should not be disrespected.

Exhibit A: Disrespecting the dress.

Please, please do not insult everyone who has ever gotten married by saying that you can do it better. Defacing a white dress, wearing a non-white dress, or barely wearing a dress at all is a slap in the face to the entire institution of marriage. Now, I am not talking about a tasteful cream or ivory colored dress. I’m talking about those dresses that no one should ever wear. ever.

Exhibit B: Disrespecting the cake.

Now, some people may not think of this as much of a high priority as I do, but I think it says a lot about you when you can’t even get a stinking cake right. And most of what I’m talking about here is the topper. I personally don’t like toppers, but there are some that look nice, so I’ll give you that. Now, these…

It’s probably safe to say that these just answer everyone’s question of “why has it taken them so long to get married?” Because you had to find someone else with no concept of class, much like yourself. Thank goodness you found each other.

And then there’s groom cakes, which, I know, deserve a little more freedom, but still. A giant poop?

Has anyone noticed a theme of really terrible camouflage weddings? They’re terrible.

And finally, there’s Exhibit C: Disrespecting the institution itself.

It just really makes me wonder… Do people think? Ever?

All I know is that this. will. not. be. me.

That is all.


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